Last year, while I was planning my second Compassion trip (Honduras!) Brandon was working his way through our bookcase and reading books that I've had for years, and he was just getting around to reading. He does the same thing with movies- loads bunches of titles into a spreadsheet and randomizes them. So he'll go from reading "Dante's Inferno" to some random Jen Hatmaker book I asked him to read in 2009. Anyway. It just so happened that he read three or four books about orphan care in a row. One must have struck a chord with him, because he started mentioning little factoids about the number of children in the US who were in need of homes, and our responsibility as Christians (not just the Joneses, but the entire church) to care for them. And right before my Honduras trip in October, he asked when the next informational session about foster care adoption was being held. This was a HUGE step in our journey as a couple and a family. This is the most involved that Brandon has been, outwardly, in our pursuit of becoming parents. It showed that he was really mulling over what our options were and what he was learning, and had come to a decision. So, just two days after I got back from Honduras, we went to our informational meeting with the cabinet. At this meeting, we turned in our preliminary paperwork (a brief questionnaire, release for background checks, stuff like that.) The informational session was "valid" for one year. It was basically our first training session If we waited over a year to take any other trainings, we'd have to do the first one over again.
So thus began months of praying and waiting. At least I knew which path we were headed down, which was a big relief. We were going to wait a little longer to tell people this was what we were doing, but after the election I was really struggling with some stuff (not going to sugar coat it- if you live in this country, you know there has been a lot of ugly stuff happening and a lot of fractured relationships, no matter who you voted for. It's been inescapable.) And I wanted to put some good out there and share some nice feelings, so I shared on facebook that we had gone to the info meeting and this was where we were headed as a family. To me, this is the equivalent of a friend sharing that they're trying to get pregnant. It was a big deal for me! Something for my friends and family to be excited about in the future. Reaction was mixed. I don't know why that matters. It shouldn't, but it does. It's kind of a downer when you share something exciting about your life with people you care about, and some of them have a reaction like you told them the weather was really nice on your weekend off. I'm really thankful that some of our friends started praying for us and our journey right then, and acted excited and happy. That's what I wanted. To share the happy.
We still had our financial goals to consider, though, before we moved forward very far. We didn't necessarily want to start the process of homestudy, for example, when we weren't yet ready to replace our (ancient and sad) cars, and things like that. We kept chugging along, though, trying to pay off bills and save what we could. I was hoping to move to a full time position in January but that didn't happen, and we skipped the next training meetings for that month. Then in March another opportunity unexpectedly came open, and I got the position. It was bittersweet because the position came open when one of my closest friends moved to another branch. I didn't want her to go AT ALL and really struggled with it. I told her "I'd rather stay poor" and have her stay with us at our branch, than get her job if she left. But she left anyway, and I moved up, and that really helped us in meeting some more of our goals. There are still a few to go, but a tremendous amount of pressure has been taken off my shoulders when it comes to finances. So in March, we called about making the next training sessions. They wouldn't be until July! The cabinet offers the classes every month, but they cycle through the dates. Saturday classes are only offered quarterly. With our work schedules and Brandon's management responsibilities, we just could not take the classes on a weeknight. So we waited until July.
And then July arrived, and we did our 15 hours of required, in-person training for the state. It was interesting to see all the other couples who were there to pursue licenses to foster or adopt. Most of them were there to foster. There were lots of couples our age and a little younger, and over half the people there were from our neighborhood, which is amazing considering the size of our city! There were older couples and couples in their early twenties. Two groups were there to get certified to adopt kids that are already in their care. Some were there to get assistance to care for relatives (our state got rid of the kinship support assistance, which is embarrassing.) There were same sex couples and single people, too. It was exciting to see people from all backgrounds and all walks of life, with all sorts of experience, ready to do what they could to make a difference in the lives of some of the 8000 children in state care. And, I have to say, I really admire the tenacity of the two extremely pregnant women who were there with their husbands. I can't imagine having the energy or emotional fortitude to deal with having a newborn AND a child in care, which often requires special consideration in the first place!
Applying to foster (and adopt) requires a LOT of paperwork. And it should! None of it is particularly hard, it just means I have quite a little to-do list. Let's see if I can remember what all we have had to do, and what we received a the training.
Before the training, we had to get together:
- Family histories and personality profiles
- Medical histories and release forms from our doctors (Brandon still needs to do his)
- Personal and credit references (including asking some of our utilities to write letters saying we pay our bills on time)
- Questionnaires about each other
- A massive list of questions about our interests (to compare with our potential children) and about what behaviors and special needs we feel we would be able to parent
At the meeting, we received:
- A training booklet that followed along with what our presenters were telling us, and had lots of extra info, exercises, and links
- Sample copies of all the medical papers we will have for our kids, and other important information, to "preview"
- Lists of our rights and responsibilities as parents, and the rights of the kids; basically a massive list of expectations, with lots of details
- A form so they can set us up with a mentor
- Tons and tons of contact info. For anyone and everyone.
What do we still have to do? We have one more little piece of paper to fill out (a financial summary) and we need to turn in our credit references (they didn't tell us what those were before we went, so we had to track them down afterward.) Brandon needs to have his physical and have a doctor fill that form out, too. Then we will take our remaining paperwork downtown and turn it in to Ms. Lonnie, the placement worker who helped facilitate our class, and do our fingerprints at the same time. Then we wait for a call from the social worker, which will come when they finish adding all the rest of our info into the computer. When we get that call, it's up to us to make the time for our first home visit. We still need to take care of some things around the house (though we did get the bedroom cleaned out this weekend, thanks to some help from my amazing and kind friend Emily!) and we need to take care of our car issues, too. The social worker who came to our meeting said that we could have anywhere from 2-5 home inspections, and they sometimes recommend extra evaluation for some people. When those things are finished, the social worker signs off on us and sends our info to her supervisor. And it takes 4-6 weeks (ish) for the supervisor to sign off on us and send us to ANOTHER supervisor. When THAT person is done reviewing us and signs off (another month or so) we go on The List! The fact that we are looking to adopt, rather than short term foster, will sort of slow our placement down a bit, but on the other hand, we are open to a wider variety of placements than many people who want to adopt from foster care, that may help speed things up a little. We will see what happens. The ball is in our court right now because we have to finish turning in our paperwork so they can take the next steps and move things forward.
So here is my updated list of prayer requests for you!
- Pray for our children, even though we don't know who they are yet. They are out there and they have experienced loss. Otherwise they wouldn't be in care.
- Pray for us as we prepare our home and get ready to have our lives inspected in ways they never have been before.
- Pray for our support network, that they would feel emboldened to check in with us, ask what's going on, or be willing to help out should the need arise.
- Pray for our finances and for wisdom for Brandon as he mulls over the decision to replace my car or pay off some bills with some money we currently have saved up, and for good decision making as we continue to save and take care of our responsibilities before our lives change in such a tremendous way.
- Pray for my heart, which feels so heavy some days because of all these things going on. I am burdened for our kids, whoever they might be, on top of dealing with my patience issues and trying to juggle our huge to-do list!
