Putting a Price Tag on Love

Newsflash: adoption costs money.

A lot of people wonder about that. Some people joke and call it "buying a baby" which I thought was funny for a few minutes until I remembered that thing called "human trafficking." And a lot of people make comments about it "just being so expensive" and sometimes they feel that they could never adopt because of the financial cost.

In this post, I'm going to tell you a little about why adoption costs money. And why some adoptions costs so much. And why really, it's not as much as you think.

Let's say that you're going to have a biological child. I hate to break it to you, but those cost money, too. Some people require the aid of prescription meds to get pregnant (not fertility treatments, just a little hormonal nudge to get things going.) Some people also buy ovulation kits (that's the only time I'm going to type that phrase on any of my blogs.) And then pregnancy tests. And then labwork to confirm. And prenatal vitamins. And parenting classes. And Lamaze or natural childbirth classes. Maternity clothes. And monthly doctor's appointments. And then appointments every two weeks. And every week. And every few days.Sonograms and ultrasounds. Hospital bills. And all the little bills that go along with that- if you've ever had a hospital stay, you know what I'm talking about. Charging for each medication, for the one doctor who was "observing" that day, for the anesthesiologist, if you have one....it's never ending. It's not like a hotel, where you come in and pay for the nights you stay, and leave. It's more like a hotel where you didn't realize that there was a mandatory fee for even having towels in your room, and there's a minibar minimum, and oh guess what, you have to pay the maid separately. Surprise! Biological babies are not "free." Friends may joke that you've just signed away all your money for the next 18+ years, but no one ever looks at a newborn in a bassinet and says "she's cute and all, but didn't she cost you a lot of money? How much did you pay to get her?" Weird.

Adoption costs money too. It's a complicated process, and it should be. It should not be super easy to bring a child into your home and make him or her a legal, permanent part of your family. That is actually called kidnapping. But I think that for people who haven't looked into it, there is a lot of mystery surrounding the cost of adoption. Maybe folks think that adoptive parents are just told to write a check to an agency and that money magically makes a child appear. I know there are some people out there who think that at least part of the money is used unethically to pay parents for their children. Or pay orphanages for their children. If you're using a licensed, accredited agency, that's just not the case. As I said before, different kinds of adoptions cost different amounts, but I'm just going to use international adoption as an example here, because I know the most about it and I think it's the one people are most suspicious of.

You know how any time you need to fill out paperwork for the government, it seems like you have to pay a fee? You pay for your driver's license. You pay a car registration fee every year. You pay to get extra copies of paperwork. And it's not just the government- a lot of doctor's offices charge fees for paperwork, too. Fees to get your own medical records. Fees to have the doctor sign a piece of paper saying "yes, she had surgery and needs to stay off work for a few weeks. Fees fees fees. Anytime paperwork is involved, you can expect a fee. Adoption is kind of the same way. There are LOTS of papers to fill out, so there are lots of fees (and again, there SHOULD be lots of papers to fill out. We don't want to kidnap.)

So you start with an application fee. Some places to free "pre-applications" and that's cool. Charging for application fees is not a new thing. If colleges can do it, organizations that build families can do it, too. If you're accepted, you're going to have agency fees, usually divided up into chunks. Again, totally understandable. The agencies employ people who help facilitate your adoption. It's like a realtor. Technically, you could do the work yourself, but it's a lot of facts and laws and rules and papers to keep track of. So someone helps you out. A lot of the agencies I have looked into also include a donation to their orphan care programs in that. Meaning, a portion of the money you're paying the agency to help facilitate your adoption may be distributed among some of the children's homes in that country, to help them with operations costs. I like this part. If it wasn't included, I'd like to think I'd make a donation on my own. In between paying these chunks of fees to your agency, you're going to have paperwork to file. And before you file the paperwork, you've got to obtain papers. You'll need a passport. Medical records. Birth certificate copies. Marriage certificate copies. All of these things cost money to get. And then you have to pay money to mail them, certified, to the right people. And some money somewhere along the way is not only going to your own government for paperwork services, but is also going to your child's country's government for paperwork services. Because paperwork has to be done on both ends. Oh, and don't forget the paperwork involved for a homestudy. If you don't know what that is, it's basically a blanket term to describe the process where someone looks at your life and decides you're able to be a parent. It involves questionnaires, interviews, recommendations from friends and family, and even visits to your home. Social workers are involved. They deserve a paycheck. So there are some more fees. And then there are court proceedings. Some random clerk doesn't just decide that a child can legally be yours, a judge has to do it. And you know, anytime you're dealing with any court system, there are going to be fees (and some of them are paperwork related!) Somewhere along the way lawyers or liaisons are going to be involved. Fees!

So you get matched with a child, and after much waiting and paperwork and mailing things back and forth, you are ready to travel. And guess what? A lot of countries require two trips. So you make your first trip to your child's country. Airfare ain't cheap. You buy your tickets (money!) and hop on a plane. You have to eat while you're in the country. And you can't just sleep on the street. And if you don't speak the language, you're going to need an interpreter (a lot of agencies include these in their facilitation fees, too.) You stay a few days in the country meeting with people and signing paperwork, and you fly back home and wait. If everything goes ok, you get the date for your second trip, the most important one. You buy more plane tickets, only this time, for the trip home, you'll need an extra seat. The second trip to the country is usually a little longer than the first- anywhere between a few days and a few months, depending on the country. More meals and hotels and a few more papers to sign, and you're ready to go home. But wait! I hope you remembered to get your child's passport (fee!) and immigration paperwork (fee!) before you left. Now you're paying fees for three! And when you get home, you're not done. If you want to legally adopt your child in the United States, you'll have to meet with a judge here, too. And a lawyer will help you with that. There will probably be a few more pieces of paperwork here and there. And you have follow-up visits with social workers. Sometimes there are just one or two. Sometimes there are more than that. It depends on the country your child came from. You could even have visits at one, three, six, and 12 months home. Your agency may have had you pay those fees earlier on, but most likely you'll be paying them at the time of the follow-up visits.

It sounds like a lot, doesn't it? Well, it kind of is. That may be a reason why international adoption isn't for everyone. Weirdly enough, though, domestic infant adoption can be just as expensive, if not moreso. You have a lot of the same fees (paperwork! Homestudies!) plus a little bit of travel, and in some cases you may be required to pay for your birthmother's medical care. So you get that fun part to deal with, too.

But before we bring this lesson to a close, let me point out that not all adoption is expensive. I hate it when people say "I can never adopt because I'll never have the money." That doesn't make sense. Adopting from the US foster care system costs little to nothing. There's not nearly as much paperwork involved, because you're not dealing with another government, just your own. You'll still have to have a homestudy, but the nice thing is that we want these kids to be adopted, so that fee is usually waived or reimbursed. The government handles the paperwork. If you want to adopt from another state, you'll still have to fly or drive over and pick up your kid, but that's much more affordable than flying to another country. And you don't need a passport or visas or immigration papers. When you're ready to finalize everything, you'll still need a lawyer, but if your state doesn't provide one at no cost, you can probably get reimbursed for that, too. Until a child is adopted from foster care, the government is their "parent." So they're footing the bill for almost everything involved in this process. I'm friends with or have spoken to several people who have adopted from foster care, and all of them said that the one or two fees they had to pay were so small, they didn't even really notice them and couldn't remember how much they were- and they got reimbursed anyway. So "I can't afford it" isn't really a viable explanation for why more people aren't adopting. It just depends on what kind of adoption you're open to (and I think the foster care topic is deserving of its own post, coming soon.)

I guess the moral of the story is this: yes, adoption is a financial commitment. Big deal. Anyone who has a family is making a financial commitment, whether they birthed their child or adopted them. Yet one of these family-making methods gets a disproportionate amount of criticism, nit-picking, and teasing. The next time you hear someone making a comment about the "cost" of an adopted baby, making fun of a celebrity for "buying" a child, or anything equally misinformed and offensive, maybe take a moment to talk to them about it. Clearing up some of these misconceptions and wrong ideas can only bring more understanding and acceptance for adoptive families, and that's a good thing!

My prayer request for this post is that you pray for all of the families who are currently in the process of adopting their children, that they will be provided for financially and they will have peace about the process. And if you're interested in helping but don't know any families who are currently adopting, check out Reece's Rainbow. This neat website features children who are available for adoption in many different countries, and gives folks the opportunity to make a (tax deductible) donation toward their adoption. If you see a child on there that you'd really like to help, you can donate toward his or her adoption fund. Then, when that child is matched with a family (and some families are made when folks just take the time to poke around the website!) the financial burden is a little bit less. The largest funds are available for medically fragile children, in the hopes that they will be brought out of institutions and into loving homes that much faster.